What Is Confidence?

Confidence, what is it? And how do we get it? I believe we all have a slightly different opinion on what confidence is, and that is okay. I wanted to share what confidence means to me. Recently I have been observing my 5 year old daughter as she plays dress up with my clothes, mainly shoes. I began to intentionally watch her when she starts looking in the mirror or even talking to me. She begins to tell me "mama I want to be just like you when I grow up". Of course I was happy and gave her lots of hugs but inside it broke me, because for years I lacked confidence. I lived in fear. I was afraid of what others might think of me especially people that were supposed to be my family and friends. From the outside you would've never noticed because I was still my happy, bubbly self yet inside I was broken. Simply needed a true friend to share that I was hurting. Fast forward to a few years ago, I really started soul searching. I was so insecure and with prayer, reading God's Word, and a lot of love from my family I slowly gained confidence. Isn't it amazing when we give God our broken self, He can create something beautiful! Yes the process is painful, but it's more painful to stay in pain and lack confidence. I began to start to see value in myself. I stopped surrounding myself around negativity and opinions that don't matter. Y'all I still get lots of constructive criticism in my life from the people that I love and value their opinion.

So I believe confidence is a lot more then a pretty outfit or a nice smile. Confidence is being comfortable with who you are and loving everything about yourself, even your flaws. Because that's what makes you unique. To many times our appearance is different then how we feel on the inside. I became a master at masking my real feelings. The few times I spoke to the people who I thought were my friends, I would hear those stories retold and it broke me more. A little side note, gossip is really painful. We all gossiped and we need to stop! It hurts a lot, it shatters relationships and breaks trust. It's painful to hear people gossip about you, and with the lack of confidence it took me years to get over the words people said. And most of all, it's a sin. I can talk a lot about gossip, maybe in a future post but as women we need to be confident enough to spread more encouragement and love then gossip; which usually comes from jealousy. If you don't agree with someone, you don't need to be best friends with them. Just stop gossiping and start enjoying your own life. I know it's a little harsh but nothing more disheartening then hearing women gossip that call themselves Christians. ( I want to publicly apologize if I hurt you through gossip, or my words. I am truly sorry and wish I was confident enough to keep my mouth shut.) People will see our light with the way we love and treat others.

For me confidence means when I see value in others and start raising them up. It's not a competition, it's realizing the gifts that the Lord blessed you in and being your best. Not looking at others and trying to be like them. It's owning who God created you to be, enjoying your life and family. Often times we look and compare our lives to others and want what they have, and totally miss what God has blessed us with. And it truly goes back to confidence. If you know who we are, you are in love with your own life. You begin to put value in others. We start to appreciate other peoples strengths and not being jealous. We develop our talents and become a blessing to the people around us. 

 My princess Mila loves playing dress up with my shoes. I'm loving her bloom into her own style...

My princess Mila loves playing dress up with my shoes. I'm loving her bloom into her own style...

Confidence is not something that develops over night. It took years for me to become the women I am today, and I still have times when I struggle being confident. It takes being intentional and taking our negative thoughts captive. Scriptures says in Romans 12:2; "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will". Every time we start to doubt ourselves or negative thoughts start to come into our mind we need take those thoughts captive and give them to God. I pray through out the day asking the Lord to help me see who I am in Christ. For me to realize how loved I am by God. Praying like that has changed my life, when I receive depressing and negative thoughts I'm able to fight back with God's Word. It matters so much who we allow to speak into our lives. When we begin to saturate our lives with scripture and positive thoughts are lives begin to change. 

Another big life change that has helped me gain confidence is getting healthy. Making healthy lifestyle changes. Going to the gym 4-5 days a week. Yes it's a lot and some days its a struggle being a busy mom but I say no to other things in order to allow myself to have "me time" and take control of my health. I've learned to prioritize my time. I no longer allow myself to watch the latest Hallmark movies because I know my time is valuable and being disciplined will allow me to be my best. I'm not saying I don't watch TV, but when I do I can fold a few loads of laundry. :)

Lastly, everything in this post is very personal. When I started my blog I promised myself and you that I would be real and vulnerable. So here I am sharing my heart hoping to inspire others to know how loved they are. If you ever need someone to talk to, and pray together remember I am here for you. Loneliness is real, and I've been there so I understand. Today when your reading this and thinking I don't feel confident and negative thoughts start to control your life. I want to encourage you, your mind doesnt have to stay this way. YOU are too beautiful and loved to not enjoy your one life God blessed you with. You are a treasure, so precious and LOVED! 

Let's create a movement of confident, beautiful and encouraging women!And most importantly filled with lots of grace towards yourself and others!

 

   My confidence allows me to be myself, to express myself with my style...

My confidence allows me to be myself, to express myself with my style...

Sending lots of love,

Nelli