Y'all I can't believe it's been over five weeks since I posted my last blog post. I promise I will get back to blogging soon, just wanted to take a few weeks and enjoy the summer with my family. Major real talk...the truth is I don't have the energy to keep up with my blog right now because all the kids are out of school. During the day we have a lot of family-time and the hour I have to myself when Mason is napping I am trying to clean up the house and get dinner ready. I know I could write in the evenings when all the kids are sleeping but I'm EXHAUSTED! Taking care of the house, kids and working from home is hard. I don't care what others say it's hard to do it ALL! I'm in the season of life where I'm obsessed with being a mom. I think the selfish part of me wants to be everything for my kids. Growing up my parents worked LONG hours, I hardly saw them...mainly on the weekends and going to church. I know they had to do what they had to do to support a family of 10 but I missed going to ice cream shops with them and doing nothing... having lazy summers. So selfishly I want to soak up every second I have with my kiddos because they are growing up so fast!
I truly love blogging and sharing my love of fashion, beauty and motherhood but I really want to be present with my kiddos this summer...and I will get back to blogging in August as life slows down. My sister and sweet nieces are coming to visit us next week. So excited and I want to create as much memories with them as possible. Summers are especially busy for us because Martin, Mila, and me all have summer birthday's and I want to create something special.
I don't know why I feel guilty for taking a little break, but really I do. I judge myself by my productivity and how much I've accomplished as a working mother. My husband tries to calm my anxious heart to be present and not feel guilty for slowing down. Comparing myself to so many bloggers that seem to have time for everything and not seeing how all our journey's are different.
I also find myself craving to be in God's Word more. Honestly friends, something so so sweet to be still and spend time with my Creator. I feel like we spend so much time worrying about what the world thinks of us and we only need His approval. Jesus already paid the ultimate price to set us free. Walking in that freedom is up to us. My heart yearns to slow down and enjoy my free gifts. Some might say that we can have it all. I'm turning 32 in a few weeks and I haven't figured it all out. Right now my kiddos need me. All of me and I want all of them. Being present to me is more important then spending hours creating content for my blog and missing out on being with my family. I think it would be possible to do both if we had some family that could help me out with the kids for a few hours, so I could get away and work. That's one of the hardest things about not having any support or help with the kids.
I post a lot of our life on my Instagram, love sharing outfit inspirations and our real life on Instagram stories. As much as I love social media, which is my work and I'm so grateful to do what I love from home, I need a break! I love taking the weekend off and not post on stories and be present. I know a lot of working moms that work outside of the home and seem to manage everything, but right now I have not learned how to balance it all. Having a home cooked meal, and a clean home plus taking care of 3 kids while working is hard! I have a lot of respect for mama's who can do it all. I push myself in so many areas of my life where I can't enjoy watching a movie with my kids because my brain is thinking about 100 other things I have to do asap! It's frustrating but most importantly exhausting!
It's okay to take a break. To say no to a few things so I can say yes to more important things. If I'm honest with y'all the Lord has been pushing and stirring my heart to do more volunteer work and get involved with a few ministries that are so dear to my heart. I love adoption. Foster-care. Connecting with women who have been rescued from human trafficking. Meeting with other mom's and encouraging them to pursue Jesus and give it all to Him. Those things are so important to me, yet since I started my own business I haven't had anytime to do any of it. I pushed myself so much with my work that's all I saw. Until a few weeks ago our pastor started speaking about how we need to do something. I know I can do more if I stop and slow down. Yes, our life is incredibly busy...especially trying to finish adopting our son from foster-care...yet I know I can do more.
I challenge you today to examine your life, time and priorities. I had areas in my life that needed to change. Our ministry starts at home. It really does, and I need that reminder every day. It's amazing how my perspective changes on life when I stop caring what the world thinks of me and dive into God's word. It has been a journey for me to get here and I have a long way to go. My desire is to raise my kids to follow Jesus and it starts at home. I need to be that light and example for them. Especially in a time where social media has taken over our lives, slowing down means being intentional. Being present with our kids matters. It's our job as mama's to set the tone and atmosphere in our homes. Y'all when I realized this truth...I began to work on my character. It's a painful process...dealing with my past and trying to retrain my thoughts is HARD but POSSIBLE, only by the grace of God. Oh how I tried to fix and change myself by myself. MAJOR FAIL! Yet, Jesus never gives up on messy and broken people like me. His patience is everlasting. As I write these words, tears falling down my face. Mila laying right by me and says "mommy you are the best mommy". These words are so hard for me to believe...the enemy has controlled my negative self-thoughts for years. But GRACE....the beautiful GRACE of God is always there. My friend rest in His grace. The most freeing place to be is in the presence of Jesus.
My heart is to build a community of ladies where we can love, support and inspire each other. There is such a lack of sisterhood. I have failed in this area so much, being too busy to care and encourage the women around me. As a blogger going to a few events, it brought out even more of my insecurities. There is such a pressure to fit in and grow your following! From brands to other bloggers who measure your worth by the amount of followers you have. When in reality it should always be about love, encouragement and content creativity. It's truly sickening and no one really talks about it. You'll see the random "community over competition" hashtag on Instagram and in reality it's the furthest thing from the truth. There is A LOT of competition but very little community. At most of the events I've attended locally in Houston, it's been an eye-opening experience that I'm not inspired by, very sad how it feels very high-schoolish...the pretty popular girls with the large account following are in and the rest of the girls worship these bloggers and want to be exactly like them. Vain and self-centered, many are so different online how they are in person. I am NOT saying all the bloggers in Houston are like this, but many are. A lot of the beautiful bloggers that have large platforms are super sweet and kind, but some have forgot where they started from. I have a few bloggers who are some of my dearest friends and are truly kind and supportive. I am able to learn from them and we can grow together. I love how our lives crossed paths. I question myself, is this where I want to spend so much of my time...or maybe God has something else for me?
I know this blog post was all over the place, but I wanted to be transparent and honest. Share a few things that are on my heart and how my life is going. I hope y'all are enjoying you're summer, it's been hot and humid in Houston. The days when it's not raining we try to go to the pool with the kids and cool off. Can't believe how fast the summer is going by, it's almost July! Mila birthday is on Sunday, my princess is turning 7 and my sister flies in from California. Thank you so much for all the love y'all show me...I'm incredibly grateful for you!
I wanted to leave you with these scriptures that have been on my heart....
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men. Colossians 3:23
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
YOU ARE LOVED!